Operation: Go Nuts

Squirel season just opened and I’m going to do my hooman a favor and take care of the pesky squirell problem. Sometimes while I am sitting outside with my hooman, enjoying the great outdoors, she just walks right into danger. Some days, she walks across the yard and picks up a squirele...WITH HER PAWS! It starts screaming when she picks it up and she gets scared. Since she doesn’t have a knack for wild animals (except for me, ladies), she just throws the squirrelle. My hooman, while she takes very good care of me, can’t feel danger like me. Since she is too much of a scaredy-cat to fix the problem herself, I’m going to do it for her. This is my game plan; it seems a little far-fetched...but it just might work.

Step 1: Bark at window or door until human näively lets you outside. Continue barking—hooman will also come outside.

Step 2: Bark at squiral until hooman sees the squerel, too. Hooman will see skeirel and walk over to pick it up.

Step 3: Bark and jump around hooman to warn them of the danger (the skuirrel is probably screaming by now).

Step 4: Hooman will inevitably get scared and throw skuirrele across the yard.

Step 5: Run over to squerrel. Don’t worry if you run past it and trip, just try again. Good dogs ALWAYS TRY AGAIN.

Step 6: Pick it up, and bring back to hooman. Show hooman the proper way to catch a skwirrel (with your teeth, silly hoomans).

Step 7: Carefully give hooman the squuirel squirrel (finally!) and show hooman the fluffy, white insides to show you are a good boy and finished the job right.