A Mean’s and a Way Out

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. To help create more awareness a car show was held by Amanda’s Way on October 12th. Amanda’s Way is, as President, Tiare Stone, put it “a domestic violence shelter and refuge, and advocacy program that’s located in Tipton County.” Named after the late Amanda Wallace Chapman, the goal of the non-profit is to give a place to people who need “some kind of refuge or some kind of hope." Its purpose is to help others that are in the same situation that Amanda was in. They picked their location “because there is nothing in Tipton County to help people that are victims of violent crimes." So that is why the founder, Andrea, put together a way out for women, with the help of donations from the community. Andrea was Amanda’s sister and she founded the organization in 2014, it then became a nonprofit in 2015 before opening a shelter in 2016.

To help Amanda’s Way grow and continue to provide assistance, a Leadership Board has been established. President Tiare Stone, Vice President Cathy Kinney, and Public Relations Specialist Sarah Smith are just part of the team behind making Amanda’s Way a reliable resource for people who need their services. Stone explained, “We're looking to the future and kind of developing new mission statements and goals for the organization and the new board.” When it comes to Amanda’s Way Stone and all of the Board Member’s want to provide, not only resources for Domestic Violence survivors but also resources for other organizations who are trying to provide the same or similar services. Stone goes on to explain future goals, “We obviously want to be a domestic shelter for victims and children here in the county. But the bigger picture for our five-year plan is to actually form a model for small towns that don't have these services for their own communities, to kind of give them guidelines, give them a starting point, give them bylaws that work, give them a formulated plan that works, give them partnerships at work. We definitely want to be a model for that.” 

There are a few things the people working with Amanda’s Way and other domestic abuse advocates want people to know about domestic abuse situations. Domestic violence can happen to anyone. Cathy Kinney had this to say, “there's an education that needs to happen” when it comes to domestic violence. “Just like we know that we have to buckle our seat belt and smoking is bad and don't drink and drive and all those things. Well, we need to have these same conversations about domestic violence, you know, when the little kids are pushing each other. Domestic violence is mutual almost,” in ratio between men and women. “It's one person going and trying to control you. This needs to be spoken about more.” Stone continued saying, “domestic violence is not labeled as only hitting. I think that's a misconception a lot of people have. As soon as you say you’re a domestic violence victim, they automatically,” come up with this image in their mind. “They’ll view you as though you've been beaten physically and that’s not always the case—it's not always physical. You do have your physical abuse, but you have your mental abuse, and you have your emotional abuse, financial abuse, and sexual abuse, that all intertwine with each other. You can have multiple, you can have one, you can have all of them together. Almost everybody’s view of domestic violence is always a woman in a hospital or a man, and that's all they see,” but that’s not all it is.

There are a few signs to look for if you or someone you know is in a domestic abuse situation. Sarah Smith explained each one. “Control factor. It can start out as cute or nice or concerned, but controlling can lead to tracking you, to see if you’re where you said you were going to be. Tracking can lead to isolation. That means they may be trying to control your social media and then telling you what you can and cannot post—what you can and cannot say. Controlling can be money too. If they decide you aren't going to work outside of the household anymore, or they decide you can't have your own bank account. So there's the control. The other would be displays of anger or cutting you off from family and friends. You know, you can't hang out, we're not going to your mother's this weekend, She hates me, We're just not gonna hang out with her. And then that turns into months without you seeing them. They’re isolating you; it’s done in anger. Another would be monitoring your phone calls, hiding money from you, hiding your car keys so that you can't leave somewhere, vandalizing or punching walls when you get into arguments, and breaking things. Now, of course, that's not exactly illegal. But these are warning signs that something is not healthy in a relationship.”

If you feel like you need help to get out of an abusive situation, you can call the TN Statewide 

Domestic Violence Helpline at 800-356-6767. To get help, get in touch with Amanda’s Way via email at amandaswaytn@gmail.com. Their emergency number is 901-235-1900. Be sure to check out their Facebook page Amanda's Way. Donations of clothing or necessities are always appreciated, along with financial contributions.